God will provide the provision for the vision….
Katie and I always dreamed of having a large family and agreed that adoption would play a role (little did I know how soon and how much). Sometime in late February, Katie and I decided to expand our family via international adoption. After looking at several websites regarding the subject, Katie forwarded a website to me which had several pages of Ethiopian kids waiting for families. She suggested a little boy…after doing my own perusing…I wanted the three Lema siblings. I don’t know what it was…but when I looked at them, I thought to myself…those ought to be my daughters. They were/are beautiful. I told Katie the news…she was like…whoa…three?…and we haven’t looked back since. Our story is a story filled with God showing us (time and time again) that we are doing His will. Let’s begin…
The Dossier
Quite frankly, I’d never heard of dossier and couldn’t much less know where to begin to even pronounce it. After several (many) attempts of saying it wrong, I finally got the revelation (not from God, but from mere redundancy) that it’s pronounced, “daw-see-air.” Anyway, for those who still may be clueless, a dossier is a collection of papers containing detailed information about a particular person or subject (usually a person's record). In our case, it was about our entire family. Everything and anything you can think of…criminal history (which is highly understandable), marriage certificates, fingerprints, record of employment, verification of salary/pay, letters of recommendation (from non-family members), homestudy (basically has the same kind of information that a dossier would require, but it entails your personal history (how you were raised, parental philosophy, spiritual philosophy, etc) and other documents. Also, the most important thing of all (we failed at this several times) is ALL signatures on the forms need to be notarized. Yeah…the folks signing your documentation, need to ensure a notary is present to officially acknowledge the paperwork.
Normally, homestudies take anywhere from 3-6 months to process and complete. Ours took about 6 weeks. The most challenging aspect of completing our dossier was the I-171H form. It’s an immigration requirement that’s only 1 piece of paper, but in the state of New Mexico was taking at least 6 months to process. The month was June. We tried the waiting game (we’d been waiting for about 6 weeks). I told Katie, listen, there’s nothing we can do, we need to just wait for these folks (Immigrations) to do what they’re going to do. Katie was disturbed by the whole ordeal and knew when she initially prayed about our girls that we’d be getting them in mid August. As I mentioned, it was now mid June and still no word from the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) or CIS or whatever the agency is called now. Katie called the immigrations officer every day and left voice mails explaining the urgency of the situation…we received no response. We contacted our adoption agency and informed them about our dilemma. The agency worker told us that if we didn’t get that I-171H form in two weeks, we could count on not getting our girls until late in the year. The Ethiopian courts were going to close for 2 months starting September. Again, I thought we were doomed. However, Katie didn’t give up. We contacted our Congresswoman’s office. They were initially extremely responsive. We thought to ourselves, maybe there is a small chance we can get our case expedited. A week went by (and several non-responsive phone calls) and still no I-171H. Then, the miracle happened…somebody from the Congresswoman’s office lit a fire under the immigrations officer and we received the paperwork three days before the deadline. I was on business travel and Katie was home with the kids. When she told me the news over the phone, I was stunned…and began to rejoice in my inner soul. It was in that moment, I knew in my heart of hearts that we were doing the right thing!
Incidentally, our congresswoman has introduced legislation to extend the validity of the I-171H from 18 months to "at least two years." The bill is H.R. 5888, entitled "Helping Families Adopt Orphans Act." Here's a link to more information:
http://wilson.house.gov/NewsAction.asp?
The Vehicle
I consider this testimony the most strange because the support came from folks we least expected it. It was right before memorial day weekend (late May) and I decided to try to get in touch with my brother who lives 6 hrs north of us. We were at a stage in life where we felt like we didn’t have any friends and kept saying to ourselves…”It would be nice to have family around.” At my first attempt (which usually takes several) at trying to reach them, my sister-in-law answered the phone…”Hey, we (my brother and she) were just talking about how we were coming down to see you guys.” I thought to myself, well, when were you going to let us know. Anyway, to make a long story short, my brother and his family drove down to visit. Once they arrived, we small talked, ate food and played with the kids. Then, out of the blue, my brother and sister-in-law suggested we take their Suburban to accommodate our family of 7 as opposed to 4. I was completely taken by surprise…I told my brother and his wife I’d discuss it with Katie. As I began to explain the situation to Katie, she said, “Well, there’s nothing to discuss…it’s free…you better believe we’re taking it.” And that was the end of that…God (through my relatives) provided a clean, stylish, nice-looking and most important FREE vehicle for our new family dynamic. Once again, thank you Rashad & April…we love you!
The Waiting Game
By the grace of God, we were able to get our paperwork off in time. At this point, we’d been involved in the process for about 4 months. We waited…waited…and waited…week after week…seeing others who rejoiced over their court dates (date you’ll get letting you know the child(ren) is/are officially yours) and embassy dates (date you’ll get to actually pick up your child(ren)). Then, July 18th (one week before my daughter’s 3rd birthday and 1 month before my son’s 2nd birthday) we heard the news. Your daughters’ are officially yours. Even if we decided not to collect them at a future date, we’d have to pay child support until each reached 18 years of age…that’s how legal they were to us. Next, another waiting game…but not so bad…just three weeks later we received our embassy date of 15 August.
Kick in the butt…
For the past 2 and a half years I was fairly lukewarm as far as reading my bible. In fact, there was a long stretch where the only time I read the bible was when I went to church. So, let’s see…I went to church twice a week, I read about 3-4 verses between the two services. So I was spending a whopping 2 hours a WEEK with God. I’m not proud of this behavior…but hey…it’s the truth.
Prior to living in New Mexico, I was actively a part of our church in Louisiana. In fact, it was there where I was given numerous opportunities to teach God’s word. The pastorate were our mentors, in fact they married us. We were good friends. We hadn’t seen them in a very long time. Then, on a week I happened to be on vacation, I received a phone call….it was our pastor’s wife Mooi Lan. They were thinking of vacationing westward and wanted to know if we were going to be in town during their excursion. As alluded to, the timing couldn’t have been better, I had taken time off, and we hadn’t planned on leaving the local area. To make a long story short, our pastors’ and family made the long drive toward New Mexico…and they picked up where they left off. They basically rebuked us for watching too much television and neglecting the most important duty…spending time with the Maker. After hours of conversation and being encouraged, we finally went to sleep. I must admit, I didn’t like the fact that I had shown hospitality to my mentors’ and all I felt they did was criticize us for being us.
I awoke the next morning to see my pastors’ reading their bibles together. It was such a beautiful sight. It was that imprint along with the much needed stern correction that compelled, motivated and inspired me to get back to the basics…spend time with God through reading His word. This occurred right after the notification of our court date. I’ve been consistently in my word ever since. Thank you very much Reggie and Mooi Lan! I praise you God for not allowing me to drift further and further from my first love!
Our Ethiopian Support
One night after we realized our daughters were legally ours, we began searching for some Ethiopian folks in the local community to possibly assist with educating us about the culture, customs, courtesies, etc. I got an idea to search the white pages…came up empty. Katie exhaustively searched on-line…found nothing. Then, she got the idea to e-mail the foreign studies department at the local university. This turned out to be a fantastic idea. Instantly, we received three e-mails from various Ethiopians. We were extremely excited. One of the three turned out to be EXTREMELY resourceful. Not only have we had dinner together on several occasions, but through them we have a contact in the area (Addis Ababa) where Katie will pick up the girls. The contacts provided to us happen to be a couple, where the wife just completed her master’s degree in sociology and is very knowledgeable about the adoption process. The husband is a successful businessman in the area and will be able to accommodate Katie and our daughters the entire trip. What can we say…it has nothing to do with us…it’s just God.
The Camper
We’d just come from staying at a resort in northwestern New Mexico. We’d been bonding with some family members and had a real good time. The experience had us dreaming about owning a RV (recreational vehicle). We looked and looked and just couldn’t find anything in our price range. We said to ourselves, “Awww…it’s okay to dream.” Although, I loved the idea of having one, I knew it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
Katie (being the garage sell warrior that she is) never ceases to amaze me with the deals she brings home. It was a normal work day for me, I’d just got through exercising and started approaching the gym to shower and change back into my work wear. Out of almost nowhere, I was pleasantly surprised by Katie and the kids. Apparently, they were on their way to look at a RV (wasn’t on the market a full day) that was priced in our price range. I immediately showered and changed as fast as I could to be a part of the excitement. We approached the RV, it was an older model, but it didn’t phase us. We were unshaken by the appearance; it was long enough, and all we needed was a RV to accommodate our family. It didn’t have to be the most fancy thing, it just needed to get the job done. I called the owner, he said he could meet us at the lot in about an hour. The hour passed…we met the owner. He was a fairly seasoned chum with his wife. He had the doors open and we went inside.
Although the camper was 20+ years old, the carpet looked untouched, the appliances looked unused and it could easily accommodate our family of 7. The owner showed us everything about the RV (we had no clue of how they were operated or maintained). We felt good about the whole situation.
And then came the price. From the sales price, I couldn’t tell if we were getting a good deal or not. So, I went out on a limb and asked the question that most sellers don’t want to hear, “How bad do you want to sell this? “ I low-balled him with a thousand dollars lower than what he was asking (he was asking $3,000). He surprisingly countered with $500.00 lower than his asking price. I played the proverbial game, “Let me ask my wife.” She suggested we counter with an offer of $200.00 less because we were going to have to purchase some accessories to make everything work. He conferred with his wife, and finally, we settled on $2,300.00 By the way, we sold one of our vehicles for $1,800 (I paid that amount when I bought it 3.5 years prior = 0 depreciation) which means we came about $500.00 out of pocket to purchase a RV worth considerably more. How do I know this, you ask? After purchasing the RV and obtaining the title, we still hadn’t moved it from the lot. The next day I went to put new locks on it, when I noticed a gentleman looking intensely at our new RV. He stated, “Looks like you already sold it.” I humbly answered, “Actually, I just bought it.” He began to explain how I got a really good deal (he thought I paid the asking price of $3,000). I mentioned to him that I paid $2,300; he was shocked! He stated, one of his friends bought an older, shorter model for a thousand dollars more than what I paid. Don’t tell me that ain’t God!
The Permissive Leave (with pay)
This testimony is also powerful. I’d been extremely anxious about whether I was going to get favor (non-chargeable time off w/ pay) from my place of employment for paternal bonding purposes with the girls. I knew it could’ve went either way, it just depended upon the leadership. I asked my immediate supervisor would he grant me non-chargeable time-off w/ pay, he swiftly denied it. Fortunately, his boss was more gracious, and responded with “Calvin, I’ll talk to my boss, it shouldn’t be a problem.” I got a glimpse of hope from that statement. Yet, I was still extremely uncomfortable about the situation. I mean…even if my supervisor’s supervisor grants me the time-off, I’d still have to face the possible seditious activity from my immediate supervisor for “going over his head.” I was vexed in my inner soul. Then the next day, a co-worker happened to hear about my dilemma and referred my supervisor to an article he saw on-line regarding a memo that was dated “May 18, 2006” that grants adoptive parents 21 days non-chargeable time off with pay to bond with their adoptive child(ren). In addition, the memo also stated, that the adoptive parent could take additional time-off (this would be chargeable) if needed. What this meant is that I could be with my daughters’ as long as I needed, and the best thing about it…is that it was all legal. Everything was in black & white, so my immediate supervisor no longer had a problem. Therefore, my anxiety was washed away, and once again, God got the glory! This memo was so instrumental because prior to its inception, there was nothing in writing that legally granted biologically/adoptive fathers non-chargeable time-off with pay a.ka. paternal leave.
God is AWESOME…HALLELUJAH!
Who’s going to watch the kids…
We were destitute about this particular dilemma. A training seminar tailored for adoptive parents to Ethiopian child(ren) was scheduled to be held in Spokane, Washington a week before Katie’s departure to Ethiopia. Although, very expensive, we begged and pleaded with God to provide a way for us to go. Once we decided on how to finance the trip, we still were unable to move forward because we didn’t know who to ask to care for our babies. We felt we had zero friends, no family in the immediate area, and there was no daycare to keep the kids overnight. We thought to ourselves, it’s just not meant for us to go on this trip. HOWEVER, there was one family who had been very supportive since we’ve know them, but they are a family of 5 and are extremely busy doing God’s work.
I was at work biting my nails pondering a way to get overnight care for our kids. I went to the hospital to get some immunizations I thought I needed in preparation for our daughters’ arrival. The gentleman at the immunization clinic was the husband of the family we were considering to keep our kids. Apparently, he had moved from the pediatric clinic to immunizations fairly recently. Turns out, I didn’t need to get vaccinated because I had everything I needed. I left the clinic feeling like I had wasted my time, but then I thought to myself…maybe it’s a sign. I called Katie and suggested that I call them. Due to the busy schedule of the family, she reluctantly agreed. I called Queenisha and Thomas, I didn’t get an answer, so I left a message instructing them to call me as soon as possible. Twenty minutes later, Queenisha responded…because we hadn’t spoke in a while, she didn’t recognize my voice on the answering machine, but quickly became acclimated. I told her our situation, and to make a long story short…she agreed. Imagine keeping a 2 year old mama’s boy and a 3 year old strong willed specimen for 4 days and 3 nights with your 3 girls all under 8…sounds like fun huh! On top of that, she insisted that we do not pay her. Again, God made a way out of what appeared to be no way. If He doesn’t do another thing, He certainly has done enough. Thanks again to Queenisha & Thomas…we love you!
Shaohannahshope
Based on past observations and experiences with our local church, we knew they would not be in favor of helping us fundraise…though, one family graciously monetarily contributed to our cause (we love you Bob & Janet). There are tons of agencies that offer grants…of which we were only eligible for 4 or 5. We applied to these institutions to receive a “Thank you for applying but…unfortunately due to the limited resources…blah, blah, blah…you did not get selected to receive a grant.” After months of not hearing from the only agency that hadn’t turned us down, the miracle happened…
The time was just after noon (MST) on the 16th of August (Katie was due back from Ethiopia in 4 days), I received a call from the program director for Shaohannahshope (www.shaohannahshope.org). She said, “Just calling to let you know that you were awarded X (more than we expected) amount of dollars towards your adoption….I was floored. I yelled in jubilee. We look forward to meeting Wendy and the gang someday. Again, God did it, He didn’t have to, but He did…Thank you God!
Conclusion
From start to finish, it took us about 5 and ½ months to get our daughters. I know folks that have been waiting years to get kids. GOD…is mighty…and it didn’t have anything to do with what we did, but it had all to do with His ability to transcend human intellect and make a way out of no way to get His will done through His servants.
What we’re still STANDING for…
Over a year and half ago, we decided to venture out and purchase a rental property. This turned out to be a HUGE mistake. Just after we bought the property, everything went downhill….wrong square footage, hidden damages, bad tenants, and the icing on the cake…the house has been on the market since mid May and we haven’t got ONE offer. We’ve used realtors, we’ve advertised ourselves…the house is in great shape. The realtor says the market just stinks right now for some reason. We put over 20K into the property and have been losing money ever since. We’ve persistently prayed about this situation and nothing good has happened. If/when this house sells will relieve so much stress. Those that feel sorry for us or would be willing to pray for us, please pray that either somebody buys our property (preferably this option) or rents it.
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I know the testimonies don’t mention some other folks who were very supportive during this adventure. A special thanks goes to Kathy and her daughter (our babysitter) Sara, Don & Lupe, Yohannes & Konjit, Daniel & Sacanym, Marshall & Cindi, Walter, Billy, Mr. Johnson, Mr. Alston, Adoptions Plus, Julie & Rich, Laura, Sarah (Katie’s sister), Michelle (my sister), Lonzo & Tina, Willie & Sharon, Vance & Orphelia, Rebekah, Dominic, Tanya, Mary, and Mike A. for your support in so many aspects. For those I forgot/failed to mentioned, please forgive me. Know that although I may have forgot you, God has not. We love you! Also, thanks for those who were not supportive. You encouraged us in our faith with the Lord Jesus Christ…God bless you!
Greetings to all who attended the Adoption Seminar in early August. God bless you all. It was nice not feeling weird to be adopting multiple kids….we all had that in common…J!
